Monday, May 2, 2011
Well, had my weekend well-spent with Love, who drove me around searching for good food, nua-ing together at his house and shopping !
He's always so nice and dotes on me, making me feel a little guilty sometimes. I'm not someone who can express how i feel, well enough for the other party to notice. I feel that sense of insecurity in him, not knowing whether do i truly love him anot. Indeed, i do. I love him more than anything else in the world. I always wanted to see him, feel his palpitating heartbeat, his exceptionally warm hands, and his to-die-for smiles. I love to look at him when he drives, i love to see him dancing in his car seat when he drives, i love to see him eating that long-awaited seaweed shaker fries when he drives, i love to see him acting so gay, i love to see his name appear on my facebook notifications, i love him laughing at my silly acts, i love to see him sleeping in my arms. I just simply love him for everything. But he just can't seem to notice it. Am i too discreet about it ? I don't know. I don't know what else should i do to make him feel loved and happy. Hearing his sad past relationship, i really want to make a difference this time. I want him to be the most happy man in the world, i want him to feel how being loved is all about. He has made known to me that he wants this to work out between the both of us. I want it to work too. I'm tired of falling in and out of love. It's tiring to start the whole process all over again. I'd love to start a family with him, as i know he's somebody which i can put my whole heart into. I may not be this firm in my last few relationships, but now, this moment, i just know, I WANT HIM TO GROW OLD WITH ME.
For now, i just want Old Bean and Old Bean's to accept him. Old Bean's thinks that he's too old for me, and Old Bean thinks that he may not be the right one cause we just started. Love was quite depressed when he heard the conversation between Old Bean's and me.
Baby, if one day u could see this, i just wanna tell u,
''No matter what happens, i will be with u. Do not fear that u will lose me, cause that day would never come. Rest assured that no one is gonna come between us. Don't be afraid that u're not perfect. Because in my eyes, U're just fucking perfect :) ''
The clock's striking midnight soon, and i'm keeping my eyes wide open so that i could call Love and tell him,
HAPPY ONE MONTH ANNIVERSARY LOVE :)
With Love,
Desiree a.k.a Li Hia
Saturday, April 30, 2011
Changes here and there. School started, a Year 3 now. Alot of projects coming up, which proves that being a Year 3 isn't that easy. Not much modules now, only a few, which only consists of Adult Nursing and Nursing Lab. No more biological science. Or else it's gonna kill more of my brain cells. Thank god. But the two things that i dread about being a Year 3, FYP AND PRCP. 1 month of attachments gonna kill me already, let alone THREE MONTHS. Goodness. Killer. But nevermind, i will survive. This also marks towards the ending of my dull polytechnic life. No more breaks alone, no more lectures alone. Yay :)
Love life. Well, J1 have a new girlfriend now. I've always thought that somehow we would sure be together. But then at times, what u think may not be what happen in reality. It's sorta tough to let him go, but somehow i managed to survive. Time proved to me that without him, my life was so much better. No more restrictions, no more quit smoking, and no more being someone that was not me AT ALL. Thought it through, it really isn't worth for me to love someone who does not appreciate and love me for who i am. Life was terrible back then. Quarrels, quarrels and more quarrels. It was like never-ending. Fights already started even before we are together, what would happen when we are ? Can't imagine.
''Those who mind, don't matter. Those who matter, don't mind''
Got to know J2 few years back. Didn't talk to him much though. Only remembered he appeared in my msn for as long as i can remember. He started talking to me, and wanted to meet up. No harm getting to know more friends. First time seeing him was a surprise. Didn't know we really could click like old-time friends. Maybe he's a smoker that's why. LOL. Started to have good feelings about him, but didn't know he had too until the message he sent me at night. Had quite a shocked then. The next night, we went to East Coast Park. That night was even better. Not long after, we were officially together.
Didn't regret being with him, thought he's five years older than me. At least he made me laugh like there's no tomorrow. At least he makes the every effort to make me feel as comfortable as possible. At least he's willing to give me a status. Came to realise that status is very important, especially to a girl. More sense of security, more sense of belonging, someone to be called MINE. I'm grateful to Lord that he sent J2 to me, and i'm willing to spend the rest of my life with him. He may not be trusting me alot now, but time will show him everything. Hope he will soon to realise that i'm truthful, even thought i'm not good at expressing myself.
Well, it's a saturday night, and with my first growth dividend from the government in my bank account, i'm sitting here, writing my blog, and everybody's out to have fun. Seriously, when can i have my freedom ? When can i come home the time as i like ? When can i not be treated like a kid ?
Dad, i'm already 21, please give me the freedom that i ought to have.
With Love,
Desiree a.k.a Li Hia
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
Saturday, November 27, 2010
Funny thing was, parents tend to use us to scare their kiddo to make them listen to them and be obedient. They would say things like, ' if you don't quieten down the jie jie will scold you and poke u with needles ' And then the kiddo will be looking at us innocently and starts to cry. Gosh. I've become the evil witch that goes around poking kids if they don't behave. ROFL.
And some sick little ones, as they are playing happily with their parents, they will start crying when they see me approaching them. I'm surprised that they actually could recognize us nurses. At the same time, i felt so bad to make them cry too. And seeing those little ones' tear from being poke by jabs really broke my heart. They don't deserve all these, they should be enjoying their childhood like any other kids, playing with their favourite toys in the playroom, and not cooped up in the hospital's cot.
After spending 2 weeks at the paediatrics ward, the more i don't want to work with kids anymore. Not because i hate kids, which i thought it might be the reason, but seeing them suffer at this age, my heart just wrenches.
With Love,
Desiree a.k.a Li Hia
Desiree a.k.a Li Hia
Tuesday, November 2, 2010
Remembering the times when we were in NSS, i never had good impression of him. He was a troublemaker, mischievous but a joker. Friends around him never got bored. Always managed to make them smile and make their day. He had good friends from all around. He was loud, and walked with his hands and legs swinging wide, like a typical beng. Being in the same class with meant no peace, and the teachers had no reins over him. He was just like a wild horse. He fractured his hand during school times, and he was not in school for a period of time, which meant peace for the teachers. He missed out alot, but friends were there to help him. He fractured his dominant hand, which made him unable to write. So could see he was quite contented not needing to do any work in class.
Never knew that he worked in MacDonalds too, till the day i got attached to Centrepoint and saw him there. His name tag nearly made me faint, CREWLEADER. His pattern could be crewleader ?! What a joke. Or maybe i was wrong about him ? I don't know. That fateful day, was my first attachment to Centrepoint, and their crew room was not in the store, it was somewhere near the dumpster area. So he lead me there, and there were 2 ends, and he pointed out to me that the crew room was at the far end. So i walked towards, only to find out that there were only garbage bins there. Found out that i was cheated, turned around, and there he is, laughing like mad at me. Got mad at him for a while, but laughed with him in the end. And my memory ends there.
“The soul takes flight to a world that is invisible, and there arriving he is sure of bliss and forever dwells in paradise.”
With Love,
Desiree a.k.a Li Hia
With Love,
Desiree a.k.a Li Hia
Monday, October 11, 2010
Alot of things happen between us, and we would have end it months ago. But i chose to hold on, the last time when we almost broke up, believing that things would naturally get better. But who knows, it got worse.
Thinking back of those fond memories, when we first met, when we went on our first date, and those small little significant things that we did. It hurts to say goodbye, but i believe that this was the best way to solve the conflict between us and stop inflicting pain on each other.
I always thought that he was the one, refusing to believe my loved ones that he wasn't my Mr Right. I thought i could prove them wrong. I thought i could change him, and making him a better person. But how naive i was. I was just like a gangster to him, talking sarcastically, behaving like a spoilt brat, and not worth of anything. What i did was never enough. Felt like a dog, being beckoned and shouted at. Maybe this is part and parcel of a relationship ? hmm..
On the day to say goodbye, my heart feels like a thousand knifes cutting through. It hurts like one fucking shit, and his name was just like a bomb, triggering off my tears to flow each and every time i hear his name. Haven't been feeling like that for a long time. The feeling wasn't good, but thank god i had a bunch of friends standing by me during those hard times. I knew i had to get past him, and he's just a past, and life should carry on.
Friends have been telling me, he's not a guy worth my tears, and time would eventually heal it, but it's all talk. It's easier said than done. He could take away everything, but not those fond memories that he has left in my heart.
Everything went back to almost normal for me, except that once in a while memory flashback in my brain. School's starting in a week's time, time to be lone ranger in school again. HAHA. Oh well, it's the second sememster for year 2, should really buck up and stop skipping lectures.
Well, what's done is done, no use pondering over what's lost, but to treasure what is in front of me. All thanks to that particular someone who has been with me all these while, and making my day. Thanks J. :)
With Love,
Desiree a.k.a Li Hia
Desiree a.k.a Li Hia
Friday, August 6, 2010
Well, my studies first.Finishing my first sememster for year 2, and there were so many stuffs to do.OMFG.Presentations, elective module showcase and BCLS theory and practical.Horrible.So tiring always at the end of the day, although i don't really attend lectures.Wahahaha.School is always boring for me, imagine being in school alone for the whole day, and most of the time having lunch alone, see how boring it is? Oh well, how i wish time would pass by faster, so that i could get rid of my boring poly life.People say poly life would be colourful, doesn't work for me this way.
Had a big fight with eye candy last week, and we almost broke up.Had been thinking about it for the last week, losing my beauty sleep, and putting on fake smiles have been making me so tired.What i want, is only him to make me happy, when i'm upset.Just this simple.Even a simple phrase of 3 words would make me feel happier.Girls sometimes need a simple hug or a lil' comforting words will do.Guessed that guys would never understand.
Attachment would start soon, next tuesday.So i will be wiping butts and changing diapers AGAIN.I can't understand why even YOG they wouldn't let us stay at home and study for the upcoming exams.I HATE NYP.
With love,
Li Hia a.k.a Desiree
Li Hia a.k.a Desiree
